Showering With Spiders - July 18, 2012

I’m thinking about showing my 3-year-old the movie Jaws, just to let her know there are scarier things out there, than the shower.   Not really, but she’s freaked out by the shower, the way I was freaked out by Poltergeist when I was a kid.  Okay, I was several years older, but when does this phase end?  I’m pretty sure I’m going to herniate a disk or dislocate a shoulder if she keeps growing, but continuing with this fear.  She’s already over 1/3 my size.


She’s pretty much terrified of the shower, spiders and the dark.  If I were really cruel, I’d plant a daddy long leg, throw her in the shower and then shut off the lights.  Okay, my heart was slowly shattering as I was typing that, but it’s driving me bonkers.  She’s willing to float in the bathtub and risk drowning, but not take a shower?  Norman Bates does not live here.  Maybe I should show her Fatal Attraction?  Oh wait, the bunny scene might traumatize her.  That’s why I shouldn’t show it to her.


When one of us carries her into the shower, she screams like the water is laced with acid.  It’s as if the water is poking her with needles over and over again.  It’s heartbreaking and horrible to hear, but I don’t want to be giving her a bath at 40.  What if she can only afford an apartment with a shower when she gets older?  Will she have to get out a bucket, India-style?


I remember an incident when I went to India as a kid.  You were supposed to pee in the bathing area and then wash it away with water from a bucket.  The same water was used for bathing.  There was no shower at my uncle’s flat.  Of course, my mother never informed me what the bucket was for, so I peed IN it.  I feel sorry for the person that had to take a bath after me.


The worst is when we go on vacation and there is no bathtub.  This happened on our cruise and my husband had to bathe her in his swim trunks.  She wouldn’t go in, unless he carried her.  Carrying her for a 10-15 minute shower is worse than lifting her in and out of the bath.  Not to mention, trying to clean her while I carry her.  That just sounds like an accident waiting to happen.


We’ve tried bribing her, even though I know we’re not supposed to.  Desperate situations call for desperate measures.  Stickers, chocolate and candy don’t even work. It’s like an addict turning down a syringe full of heroine.  She hates the shower THAT much.


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