My husband was recently subjected to an upper endoscopy for some stomach problems. It was simple. There was no surgery. But, my emotions tipped the scale of a life or death situation.
They called his name to take him back, and I took a breath deep enough to spark possible hyperventilation. I refrained. They brought him to a small room and told him to shed his clothing and put on a floral, hospital gown. I nervously laughed about how stupid he looked with his black socks pulled up to the knee and how he was bare butt for all to see. The laughter carried on for two seconds too long, just to soothe my fears.
The nurse came in and took his vitals. My eyes were shut so tight that I was seeing stars. She released a vague thumbs-up that stopped me from holding my breath. She knew. She knew I was worried. It was written all over my face. I was probably blue from a lack of oxygen.
She inserted the IV and my husband said, “it’s okay, babe.” He was the one going through the routine procedure, but I was the one internally retching. He was soothing my fears, but I was just the safe driver. They told me to leave and make way to the waiting room. I did, but that was when everything went black.
No, I didn’t pass out. I just don’t remember anything. I know I was sitting and staring at the clock, but that hour is completely amiss. Time stood still. It was like a Twilight Zone episode. People were moving around, but there was no sound. I was deaf, dumb and waiting.
Of course, he was fine. He was groggy from the meds, but I have never felt more relieved in my life. This is where we realize all that we take for granted. I’m glad my situation was simple and over-exaggerated. I’m glad that I was allowed a chance to exhale, when others are hit hard and still have to hold their breath.
I am the doer, the one who takes care of all of the planning. I am the one who makes sure everything is good on paper and set-up for the future. He is the rock that is impossible to break. Some women have a 2-carat diamond to represent their union. I have an almost 6 foot rock that I look at everyday. Cheesy, but true.
Without him, I am nothing. I think he questions that, but I hope he knows it now. Through our 8-year roller coaster, he’s the one I stare at when I’m terrified of the fall. I know he has faith, when I just question everything. Someone has to be sound to make up for my insane.
My daughter has two opposite souls that have blended to build her. Here’s to hoping she has the best of both worlds and not the worst, because jointly that would make a neurotic procrastinator and that’s not so pretty.
Happy Father’s Day to my favorite husband.