Ever walk around your house, frantic, looking for your car keys and then realize they were in your pocket the whole time? Ever search every inch of your car for your sunglasses and then realize they were on top of your head the whole time? Since I became a mommy, this is a routine occurrence. Only I’m not looking for my car keys or my sunglasses, I’m looking for my kid.
The other day at the park, during my weekly mommy-daughter playdate with my girlfriends, I was busy chatting away, when I realized that I couldn’t see my daughter. Rather than throw out words of panic prematurely, I scanned the play structure and surrounding areas quickly. My Babyface was nowhere in sight and neither were her friends. “Oh my God! Where are the girls?” I shouted.
This is where I realized I was scripting Dumb and Dumber 4, because both girlfriends responded, “They’re right in front of you.”
Huh? My eyes stopped scanning, but my heart kept pounding. The mommy friend I had been talking to was pushing them on a tire swing RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. And, of course, a symphony of giggles erupted around me at my expense. Basically, “Oops. She did it again” and “Dumb, Dumb, Dumb, Duuuummb”. A nice mash-up of Britney Spears and Beethoven.
My stupidity is always a comic headliner. Of course, since they were laughing, I decided to tell them about the time we went on a cruise in the Eastern Caribbean. The first port was Nassau, Bahamas. We exited the ship with Babyface, the backpack and her stroller in tow and headed for Paradise Island for the day.
I have traveled all over the world and been greeted by many sketchy circumstances, but having my three-year-old with us stressed me out. Ports and train stations are always filled with pick pockets and congested, two-way human traffic. It only takes one second for everyone to get separated.
We got through the port fine, found a taxi and went to the beach. Nassau is not much nicer than the beaches in Mexico, by the way. The beach is always fun, but it was nothing special and borderline dirty.
When we arrived back at the crowded port entrance to head back to the boat, I exited the taxi first. I watched my husband unload and set-up the stroller. Then, I hit my mental panic button because I realized my daughter was nowhere in sight. Was I about to be looking for a suitable Lifetime movie mommy to play me? Where was my daughter?
I screamed, “Where is Babyface?” It terrified me. We weren’t even on US soil and she was MISSING. This is where my husband busted out laughing. Huh? How could this possibly be funny? He was laughing so hard it took a few seconds for him to catch his breath and say, “YOU’RE HOLDING HER.”
Oh my God! Dumb and Dumber 3 had just been scripted and I was the lead loser. I was carrying her the whole time I was freaking out. Again, I realized there was a symphony of cackles around me. Everyone, including the taxi driver, was laughing at me.
I’m glad I’m such a comedian by mistake. I’m the accidental comedian. At least I make people laugh, however unintentional it is.